SUV Names We’d Like To See

I have to laugh every time I see a billboard for the Nissan Armada SUV. What a hilariously appropriate name for a vehicle that’s as big as a freaking house.

This afternoon I started thinking up similarly ridiculous names for Supremely Unnecessary Vehicles.
How ’bout these for a start:

Godzilla
Humongous
Road Hog
Lard Ass
Behemoth

Any others?

3 thoughts on “SUV Names We’d Like To See

  1. I always thought Albatross would be a good name for a backpack. B/c no matter how well-made and comfortable they are, that’s what they always eventually feel like after a few days on the trail.

  2. A friend suggested that, perhaps as a way of making SUV’s less desirable, every SUV should have the word “Anal” before its model name.
    Thus we have…
    Ford Anal Explorer
    Anal Hummer
    Honda Anal Pilot
    Lincoln Anal Navigator
    better yes, Lincoln Anal Aviator
    Chevy Anal Blazer
    Nissan Anal Pathfinder
    Pontiac Anal Aztec
    GMC Anal Jimmy
    And even a Mitsubishi Anal Endeavor
    as well as…
    Ford Anal Excursion
    Ford Anal Expedition
    Anal Frontier
    Anal Safari
    Anal Wrangler
    Anal Rendezvous
    Anal Sportage
    Anal Amigo (HAHAHA)
    Anal Avalanche
    Anal Envoy

  3. Dave Barry did an article on the growth of SUVs and dimunitive cell phones. In the article, he made a comment to the effect of “larger than the Ford Excursion, the Ford Expedition,… it’s the Ford Untamed Wilderness!”
    Anyhoo, both the name and the mental imagery stuck with me. Every time I see a 6mpg behometh shoe-horned between two cars in a parking lot (or parked atop a line, taking up two spaces), I think back on Barry’s article. Maybe once gas prices hit $2/gal in the US, we’ll have a return to reason?

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